unafraid

I think fear cripples us perhaps more than anything else. It leaves us frozen, unable to move.

Fear has kept me from truly living. I’ve spent a lot of time being frozen, and too afraid to move or change. There’s the fear of the unknown. That’s a big one, but it’s usually one that we realize isn’t as scary as we think it is. The fear that plagues me more than fear of the unknown is fear of failure. I’ve had a hard time labeling myself a “perfectionist” because I’ve never been close to perfection in any aspects of life (just look at my transcript), but I suppose I am one in the sense that I fear failure. I realize that I’m very flawed, and my human nature is to be far from perfect. Christ in me makes me clean and whole, but I’m still very aware of the fact that I fail so often. And satan latches onto that fear, and likes to really screw with me about it.

So I decided that it would probably make satan mad if I started to acknowledge my fears. So I’m going to do that.

This is me.

I am afraid that everyone I love will get tired of me, decide that I’m too much to handle, and leave me.

I am afraid that I will want to cut, burn, or harm myself in another way again.

I am afraid that I will feel like giving up and want to die.

I am afraid that I am or will be worth nothing.

I am afraid that I won’t make any progress towards growth or healing and will be stuck the way I am right now for the rest of my life.

I know that God will give me the power to overcome these fears, and the strength to fight satan. I am admitting these fears because I know that bringing them into the light is a step towards becoming unafraid. That’s what I want to be.

Through the power of Christ, I can be unafraid.

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